The Polar Express (2004, PG)

This computer animated family features is based on the 1989 book by Chris Van Allsubrg.  While the CG is not nearly as impressive as Beowulf (which had freakin' awesome animation!), I must admit that it is pretty visually similar to the art of the original book.  The story is about a boy whose belief in Santa Claus is waning and a train to the North Pole pulls up in front of his house to take him and some other children to see Santa.  Maybe it would be more accurate to say that the movie is inspired by the book rather than based on it, because the book was like 20 pages and the movie was an hour an a half, so you know they padded it significantly.  They definitely added more adventure to the movie compared to the simple wonderment of the book.  Kind of interesting is that Tom Hanks (Big, Toy Story) voiced almost every adult male character in the film including the main character's (Hero Boy) adult narration, the train conductor (who probably has the most lines in the movie) and Santa Claus.  Eddie Deezen voiced Know-It-All Boy (I love the names of these characters: they didn't introduce themselves to each other in the story, so we have only their characteristics to go off of) but you might recognize the actor more from his role as Mandark from Dexter's Laboratory.  Man, that's a great cartoon voice.  Also the singer in the elf band looks remarkably like Stephen Tyler from the band Aerosmith and is in fact voiced by him.  It doesn't focus on the religious significance of Christmas, but on the presents (they're kids, after all) and on the family/love atmosphere.

The Long Goodbye (1973, R)

This is a film about the iconic private detective Phillip Marlow.  It's rated R, but a pretty soft one.  In most aspects I would peg it as more of a PG-13: some language but not very often, a couple scenes with violence but very little blood and very short in duration, but there were quite a few boobies (Marlowe's neighbors are hippie chicks and are one of the lighthearted humor aspects of the film).  Marlowe is played by Elliot Gould (MASH, Ocean's Eleven [and 12 and 13], American History X), who I still think of as the dad from The Big Hit.  Also, a young Arnold Schwarzenegger has a short appearance as mob muscle (you can identify him because he looks like he just ate two other wiseguys), and Henry Gibson (the head Chicago Neo-Nazi from The Blues Brothers) plays a doctor at a clinic.

He Died With Felafel In His Hand (2001, NR)

This film is an understated Australian comedy (with dramatic aspects).  It follows a struggling writer and the numerous friends with whom he shares a rented house.  Well... more of attempted writer... he spends most of his "writing" time in the film just staring at his typewriter rather than writing things he's unsatisfied with.  Anyway this is a quirky ensemble story told as vignettes over the course of a year.  The opening scene in which main character Danny finds his friend dead with a felafel in his hand (hence the title) is actually very near the end of the chronology.  Most of the characters have pretty deadpan expressions on their faces throughout the movie (with occasional emotional outbursts) with absurd things happening around them (or sometimes because of them).  It feels a kind of like a cross between the shows The Kids In The Hall or Monty Python's Flying Circus and the film The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou in that way.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993, PG)

This claymation feature is about Jack Skellington (who is a skeleton), the Pumpkin King and the figurehead of Halloween Town.  In this story there is a realm for the mascots if you will of each of several major holidays.  Jack is getting tired of Halloween, and he finds some magic trees through which one can travel to the other holiday towns and stumbles into Christmas Town.  The gist of the story is that Jack thinks Christmas looks pretty cool and he wants to give it a try.  I wanted to love this movie more than I did, because of its huge cult following, but it was still fun.  The animation was quite good: not quite as seamless as a Wallace And Grommit film, but then again it was far more visually complex.  I like to see actual stop-motion claymation features... it just feels like the film has more heart when they have to get their hands dirty (literally) to make it.  I also enjoy a computer animated feature from time to time, but the fact of the CG is not a selling point for me.  I thought it was really cool that the creatures in Halloween Town were both spooky and cute at the same time, so the visual style was my favorite part of the movie.  The film was also quite well-saturated with musical numbers and some dancing.

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010, R)

This Finnish film starts with an [American?] excavation crew trying to unearth "the original Santa Claus" from beneath a mountain just across the Russian border (from Finland).  The main character is a little boy named Pietari whose father -and many of the other nearby families- are reindeer herders.  Pietari looks up the old tales in some books and finds out that the original Santa is far more fearsome than the Coca-Cola mascot we know today, more like Krampus (link to Wikipedia article).  Northern European films that I've seen have had a really solid ratio of quality: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Dead Snow, Let The Right One In... there's not a bad or mediocre movie in the bunch!  However I've had an unfortunately low ratio of movies that I've liked out of films that were written and directed by the same person.  Fortunately the Northern quality won out in this case.

This Is Not A Movie (2011, NR)

That's a lie!  It is a movie, but it is not rated.  Though it's a foreign film (Mexico), it takes place in Las Vegas, Nevada (US) and all of the dialogue is in English.  The title caught my attention, because is strikes a resonance withe the Rene Magritte painting, The Treachery Of Images, which shows an image of a tobacco pipe with the words below "Ceci n'est pas une pipe" ("this is not a pipe")... because it is not a pipe, it is an image of a pipe.  Cool concept.  After watching the film, I'm not so sure that is the reference in the title.  Anyway, the story is about a man sitting in his Las Vegas hotel room waiting for the world to end (it's presumed in the story that the entire population of the planet knows that the end is coming and at what exact time, though there is very little contact with the world outside the hotel room) and talking to himself trying to figure out who he is.

He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special (1985, TV-Y7)

I haven't seen He-Man since I was a little guy, so I don't remember hardly any of it other than what a couple of the main characters kind of look like.  This was a TV special that was about twice the length of a normal episode (just under an hour without commericals), and it ends up with the first time Christmas is celebrated in Eternia.  It starts off with preparations for the twins' birthday party (I presume He-Man and She-Ra, or at least their human alter-egos, are the twins) which [the queen?] notes is a similarly large and similarly timed celebration to the Earth holiday of Christmas.  I guess she's been to Earth before and/or heard about it?  I'll say right here (and you can probably deduce from my post so far) that this movie is intended for people who are already He-Man/She-Ra fans.  If you're nostalgic for those characters and shows, then this will be a fun holiday special for you.  You'll see a smorgasbord of characters you've been longing to see all in the same place at the same time.  But, if you're not already a fan, then you'll be lost in the absurdly-descriptively-named characters and cheesy dialogue.

2012: Science Or Superstition (2008, NR)

Another documentary about the 2012 Mayan prophecy and the end of their calendar, this one predates my previous reviewed film by a year (and is far superior in quality).  While it doesn't review non-Mayan theories that tend to coincide with the 2012 end date, it does review the actual Mayan culture and their creation and end-time myths in far more detail.  This film also spends quality time reviewing actual astronomy and what will be going on with the relative locations of the Earth, the Sun, and the Milky Way galaxy.

It got to the point early on in the film and managed to keep good density of new information.  They interviewed a nice selection of scholars who I am otherwise unfamiliar with but who are hopefully legit (I did notice that their credentials at the bottom of the screen said "Author of [book]" rather than "Professor of [science] at [respected university]"... oh well).

2012: Mayan Prophecy (2009, NR)

Not to be confused with the 2009 action/drama starring John Cusack, this direct-to-video documentary is about the origin of the ancient Mayan prophecy/calendar end and other theories/prophecies with a similar date.

This film had a pretty slow start with repetitious CG graphics, so it looked kind of like they didn't have much to say, but it did get more filled in with content a little later.  The first half, after a brief mention of the Mayan calendar ending on 12/21/2012, was mostly about various theories by mathematicians, historians and sociologists (sometimes using ancient cultures as a starting point) that all point to huge and often mysterious changes to be expected around 2012 as well.

Bruiser (2000, R)

The movie is strangely sort of a cross between Falling Down and Office Space.  It's directed by George Romero (Day Of The Dead) and the title of this film comes from the name of the fashion magazine that the main characters work for.  The main character works for Bruiser magazine and makes a good deal of money but still gets stepped on a lot.  One morning (after his status quo is established), he wakes up with a blank white mask where his face should be.  It's a flexible mask (likely latex for the filming), so it moves with his mouth/etc, but it's still eerie and the eyes are pinprick holes in stead of larger eye-shaped openings.  That messes with his head enough that he snaps and gets back at some of the people that have been taking advantage of him.

The Sleeping Beauty (2010, R)

Not to be confused with the similarly titled Sleeping Beauty starring Emily Browning (Sucker Punch), this French film ( originally entitled La Belle Endormie) is a small twist on the original fairy tale.  It's in a slightly more modern setting, but that doesn't impact the film very much, especially at first.  The interesting thing about this story is that most of it follows the sleeping 6-year-old princess Anastasia (unconnected to the daughter of Czar Nicholas of Russia) through her dreams during her prolonged slumber.  It's kind of like Alice In Wonderland but a little less wacky or like The Wizard Of Oz minus the ensemble cast (there are other characters in this film, but the only main character is Anastasia).  Each dream or story segment often works as its own short story (the first one especially feels more like the climax of another story) and often feel like a classic fairy tale. 

The movie very much changes gears for the final segment after she wakes up 100 years later but looking 10 years older (not sure why the difference), at which point the film becomes more of a romance movie.

The Red Violin (1998, R)

This is a Canadian film originally entitled Le Violon Rouge.  This film begins with a brief scene as Samuel L. Jackson entering a Montreal auction house that is selling fine antique musical instruments.  After that, it moves to a series of vignettes around the several-century history of the famed (in the world of the film) Red Violin, separated by the auction house scene being retold from the point of view of different prospective buyers.  The framing sequence is in English and the other stories are spoken in (and subtitled from, when applicable) Italian, German, French, English and Mandarin depending on the setting of the stories.  This format could easily be boring, as I don't find the history of a musical instrument to be particularly entrancing, but each of the stories is quite different from the others and each is a quite good short story on its own.  They have character and they have heart.  It would take a sharper ear than mine to hear the differences between one violin and another when the same musician is playing the same musical piece, but the title instrument is said to be "the perfect acoustic machine", and some characters in the stories can tell this immediately.

Dog Day Afternoon (1975, R)

This film, based on a true story, is about a bank robbery gone FUBAR that turned into a hostage situation.  The whole film is from the point of view of the main robber, Sonny Wortzik, played by Al Pacino (The Devil's Advocate, Scent Of A Woman, Scarface).  The movie is not a comedy, but I definitely chuckled a few times early in the film as various things go wrong and various characters prove that they don't know what they're doing (Ocean's 11, they are not!).  Sonny is clearly a first-time bank robber, and when they arrive I wonder if the police on the scene are first-time cops.  The detective in charge is played by Charles Durning (Tootsie, The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas).

Kissed (1996 , R)

This film is not for everyone, let me just say that from the start.  It's about a girl played by Molly Parker (from several tv series such as Deadwood, Shattered, Dexter) who has a fascination/obsession with death.  She doesn't wear black (ever, I think) and she doesn't write mopey poetry, but she has this... "reverence" is probably the best word for it... for the dead.  It's somehow less creepy than it should be (a little less creepy) because she seems to have a genuine love for the departed rather than a morbid curiosity.  The movie starts with her as a child as she caresses a dead bird she found and rubs it on her neck before "enshrouding" it in toilet paper and planting it in a grave in the woods behind her house.  And it goes on from there.  She grows up and the film follows her obsession through each phase of her life.  Ultimately with her taking night classes in college and working full time in a funeral parlor (her dream job) during the day.  The childhood scenes seem to take place in the early 1960's and the young adulthood scenes in the '70's.
 

Bangkok Dangerous (1999, R)

This film is quite different from the 2008 Hollywood remake starring Nicholas Cage.  They both feature a hitman and take place largely in Bangkok, Thailand, but the tone and storytelling styles of the two are almost polar opposites.  The original film is about a deaf-mute, living and working in Bangkok his whole life and has two close friends who also work in the industry (one is a male fellow hitman with whom he has partnered in the past and the other is a woman who gives them their assignments); the remake is about a distinctly non-hearing impaired American lone hitman whose current assignment is in Bangkok.  The dialogue of the original film's script could probably fit on a couple sheets of paper, and the story is told mostly with the music, a home-video style montage and some brief interactions; the remake is a full-scale action movie with a tremendously higher budget and full-conversations.

The Masque Of The Red Death (1964, NR)

This was the first film I've seen that was directed by Roger Corman, but he's a bit of a famous director and I'm told that this movie (or any of his Edgar Allen Poe adaptations) would be a good one to start with.  The main actor in the film is Vincent Price (The Fly, Tales Of Terror), who is a camp-horror cult icon.  Unfortunately for me, the first (and only, for the longest time) movie in which I saw him act was Edward Scissorhands in which he played a lovable -if idiosyncratic- old man.  This messed with my mind in the opening scene of Masque Of The Red Death, because here he plays a sadistic, despotic, decadent, Satan-worshipping Prince Prospero who is in no way lovable.  The story takes place in a vaguely-Medieval Europe and all fear a plague they call the Red Death.  The Prince is also about to host a several-day party in his castle for his aristocrat friends.

The Four-Faced Liar (2010, R)

This movie is basically an exploration of different types of interpersonal relationships (friendships, romance, etc).  The main characters include a cohabiting tidy couple, a non-cohabiting less-tidy more spontaneous couple, and the non-cohabiting guy's also-non-tidy lesbian roommate.  The characters all move into their respective New York apartments at the start of the school year (all but one are students, the other a recent grad) and encounter each other at the film's namesake, a bar called The Four-Faced Liar, named after a clock tower in Ireland (so I'm told by the characters) that among its four clock faces tell four different incorrect times.

I Sell The Dead (2008, NR)

Netflix has this listed as a drama, but I think it would be more accurately described as a lightly (adverb referring to both of the following adjectives) dark comedy.  It stars Dominic Monaghan (Charlie from the Lost series, Merry from Lord Of The Rings) as a grave robber convicted of grave robbing and murder, on the eve of his execution by guillotine, relating his story to an interviewing monk played by Ron Perlman (Hellboy, Sons Of Anarchy series) who wants to record his story.  It starts off as a fine vignette-style story, that in tone reminds me of some H.P. Lovecraft or Robert Louis Stevenson stories (but not the most famous from either: not Call Of Cthulhu or Treasure Island, more The Reanimator or The Body Snatcher), but later changes to more of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  Not that they slay the undead, but that such corpses fetch a heftier price than the standard dead.  From what I understand, it was not uncommon for surgeons and medical schools in the 19th century and prior to purchase cadavers from shifty individuals for medical research purposes (the cadavers where not aways without a pulse prior to encounter with the shifty individuals).  I am pleased to say that the main characters of this film did not create cadavers themselves, but reclaimed already-deceased ones.

Apartment 12 (2001, R)

I imagine this film would have had the more lenient rating of PG-13 if it had been released through a larger production studio (it has sex, but not really any nudity, no drug use, and there was some language but not pervasive throughout the film).  It stars a younger-looking Mark Ruffalo (The Avengers, The Brothers Bloom) as an (aspiring) artist whose girlfriend breaks up with him and kicks him out of their apartment (so that he must rent a new apartment... guess what the unit number is).  Granted, we don't see a lot of their life prior to this point, but the reason for Yvette (ex-girlfriend) kicking ending their relationship is unclear, enough that Ruffalo is blindsided by it.  For the early part of the film, all of the small and medium-sized things go wrong with his life and it was amusing (as opposed to Spider-Man 2, druing which I expected Parker to compulsively harm himself).  His new apartment building is like an Island of Misfit Toys which I often like in stories (like the 2004 Punisher film).  The film follows him in his pursuit of creating art and finding companionship.

The Human Tornado (1976, R)

This movie was pretty ridiculous.  I haven't seen a lot of blaxploitation movies before, so I don't know if the things that struck me were tropes of the genre or not.  I don't think it was intended as comedy (but maybe it was), but just one of those 70's B-movies that we can watch and laugh at today: there was some horribly mid-dubbed dialogue with what I'm pretty sure is an entirely English-speaking cast, and the small-town white people in the first scene were caricatures of next-to-retarded racist hicks.  Elements that I know were common tropes were the "martial arts" fighting, and the song and/or dance numbers in the nightclub scenes.  The premise of the story is that the main character, Dolemite (who apparently is the lead in a series of films), is on the run from the small-town racist sherrif and when he looks for his friend, Queen Bee, in California he finds out she's in trouble of a different kind, so he decides to help.  Her (mostly black) nightclub has proven to be too much competition for a mafia-backed (white-owned, clientelle is largely black with some white) nightclub, so the Italian owner starts some trouble. 

Black Dahlia (2006, R)

This movie has been on my instant queue for quite some time now but I hadn't gotten around to watching it.  I guess it never called out to me.  But now I'm so glad I watched it.  The film is based on a James Ellroy novel that was inspired by an actual murder investigation in 1940's Los Angeles.  The film starts with a voiceover by lead-actor Josh Hartnett (Lucky Number Slevin, 40 Days And 40 Nights) as he introduces himself and another cop played by Aaron Eckhart (Thank You For Smoking, The Dark Knight) amid a police vs army vs navy vs civillians riot.  I'm pretty sure this narration and noir role were what inspired Robert Rodriguez to cast Hartnett in the opening scene to Sin City (which was also a test shot used to convince Frank Miller to allow him to make a film based on Miller's iconic graphic novels).  Scarlett Johansson (The Avengers, Girl With A Pearl Earring) plays Eckhart's girlfriend, Hillary Swank (Million Dollar Baby, P.S. I Love You) plays a raven-haired femme fatale, and Mia Kirshner (Not Another Teen Movie, The Crow: City Of Angels) plays the victim (she does indeed have some non-dead screen time as the investigation unfolds; this is not a spoiler, not a clue).

The Seige (1998, R)

This film falls pretty cleanly into two arcs and each has solid value, I personally enjoyed the first part more than the second.  Denzel Washington (Remember The Titans, Training Day) plays an FBI agent in charge of an investigation to catch/stop a fundamentalist Islamic terrorist cell in New York city.  The first part of this film has the FBI following leads, investigating, responding to threats, and chasing suspects.  I'm starting to realize that I tend to enjoy procedural police investigations on film, at least when the detectives are clever.  The Denzel's unit in the FBI had a plethora (I always think of The Three Amigos when I hear that word) of other television actors that I like: his partner was played by Tony Shalhoub (Monk, Wings), also in the unit were Lance Reddick (Agent Broyles from Fringe), Mark Valley (Fringe, Human Target), and Danny Proval (The Sopranos). 

Dakota Skye (2008, R)

This one has kind of  a cool concept.  The title character is an Arizona, high school senior, misfit who has the power to always see the truth behind people's statements.  If someone says something that's not 100% true then she'll see subtitles (not always at the bottom of the screen, but in whatever part of the screen has some available space... placement is kind of like dialogue bubbles in a comic book) telling the true version of it.  Having this ability from a young age will inherently influence someone's behavior and outlook on life, and she basically withdraws from life.  She doesn't really engage in interactions or activities, she doesn't get a cell phone or a driver's license, she doesn't have any plans for after high school.  Most of her friends are studying for the SAT so they can go to college, but not everyone goes to college after high school and Dakota claims she doesn't want to, but she could still stand to figure out what she'll do instead (waitress, trade school, peace corps, join a band, hitchhike across the country with a serial killer, whatever).  She's not exactly a hero of mine, but she did make one well-adjusted/healthy observation (as narration) about her boyfriend: "he's a liar, but not worse than anyone else"(because everyone's a liar to some degree and she factored that into the equation).

Assault On Precinct 13 (1976, R)

I had first heard of this film as the 2005 remake with Ethan Hawke (Training Day, Gattaca) and Lawrence Fishburne (The Matrix, Boyz N The Hood) which I still have not seen though I am a fan of both of those actors, so when I saw that there was an original film written and directed by John Carpenter (Halloween, The Thing, Escape From New York) I had to add it to my queue as homework.  And I'm so glad I did!  Hollywood tends to remake films not because they think the first one had unfulfilled potential, but because it has a strong following and/or made money and they want to make more money.  That in mind, it will usually be worth your while to watch a movie that was later remade.  When the film began the first thing I noticed was the low-resolution film quality, which I suppose is inherent for any movie of a certain age that has not been transferred to Blu Ray.  The opening music, while unfamiliar to me does have that certain quality that can make it recognizable and a good iconic them to a song (kind of like the theme to Halloween [Tubular Bells, it's called], and interestingly enough John Carpenter also composed the music for both Halloween and Assault On Precinct 13).  The early lines in the movie seemed kind of uninspired as the backdrop for the story was being set up, but the dialogue for the main characters once they were introduced was noticeably sharp.  One of the elements that makes a film a cult classic is to have infinitely quotable lines, and this one delivered.  The dialogue was sparse compared to most other movies, but almost every line tended to be a one-liner that made each character a great character.  The early scenes were sort of whatever, but as the movie progressed I found myself very much invested in the characters.  Though the characters in this movie wore nothing like a tuxedo or a formal suit, I can imagine a damned fun cocktail party with the main characters of this film along with Rick (Humphrey Bogart's character) from Casablanca and Frank Sinatra.

Romantics Anonymous (2010, NR)

I think the title of this film is either a translation that leaves something to be desired a joke reference to an element in the film.  This is a French film (subtitled in English for those of us with limited multi-linguistic ability) about two people who are involved in the chocolate industry and who each have a crippling shyness.  Angelique is a classically trained and exceptionally talented chocolatier who seeks employment at a chocolate factory.  She is a member of a support group for overly emotional/neurotic/shy people: Emotionals Anonymous (the title of the film is a twist on this).  Jean-Rene, the chocolate factory owner (more of a small shop really, as he has only 4 employees), is very much afraid of physical or emotional contact with other people and hires Angelique (first interviewee of the day) as a sales rep possibly so he doesn't have to interview another stranger.  She is too shy to correct him regarding her intended position and ends up suffering through a very human-contact oriented position.  This is an understated comedy, kind of like The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou or Wristcutters: A Love Story, and though much of the humor was due to awkwardness, I didn't find it unpleasant like I did with much of Sleeping Dogs Lie or Punch Drunk-Love.

V For Vendetta (2005, R)

NOSTALGIA WARNING.  Ok, maybe "nostalgia" isn't quite the correct word, but I should warn you that -unlike every review I've posted so far- this is not my first viewing of this film.  In fact I watch this movie every year on Nov 5 (if you've seen the movie and/or are familiar with Guy Fawkes Day, you'll understand the significance).  But the point of my warning is that I have some pre-existing affection for this film and so you should take my advice with a grain of salt.  But you should anyway, so I guess I'll just try to list the good and bad things about the movie as well as I can.  Also, please be aware that this film is not currently available to stream on Netflix: I watched it on DVD.

This movie is based on a graphic novel by Allan Moore (League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Watchmen; I know people tend to say this about all book-to-film adaptations [except American Psycho, the film of which does a better job of telling a/the story, I think], but the print version is far superior to the films for both of these) and the screenplay was written by the Wachowski Brothers (The Matrix).  Good start, right?  Hugo Weaving (The Matrix, Lord Of The Rings) plays the title role of V, the mysterious anti-hero/vigilante/terrorist who perpetually wears a full black cloak (think Soloman Kane) and a metal Guy Fawkes mask.

CQ (2001, R)

I had gotten through all of my "homework" movies that were going to lose the streaming option, and there were 4 of the time-sensitive movies that I wanted to see more than the others.  I knew I wouldn't get a chance to see more than one or maybe two before midnight when they dropped off (it was the last day).  I chose poorly.

The title of CQ was not thoroughly explained, though in one of the main character's dream sequences he saw a computer screen flashing between "CQ" and "seek you"... that's as good as I've got for you, folks, sorry.  The setup is that the main character Paul is a film editor (second-unit director: cuts and pastes the film stock into the proper order, with visually effective timing/etc based on the daily shots filed by the first-unit director), and American in Paris in 1969-1970, working on a sci-fi spy film taking place on the moon in the far future: the year 2001!

Luther (2010, NR)

I know this is a television series rather than a movie, but I watched the whole thing over the weekend and I really liked it so I want to tell you about it.  What I like about television series is that they can develop characters far more thoroughly than a two-hour film can.  Either the BBC consistently creates fantastic television (which I tend to believe) or I've just been incredibly lucky with the series I've watched so far (Sherlock, Jekyll, Party Animals, Luther, Doctor Who: I strongly recommend them all).  One of the factors I like so much about these British shows is that the seasons/series tend to be roughly 6 episodes.  I like shorter runs because it makes it easier to watch the entire story and it's far less intimidating to start (for example, I really want to watch all of The X-Files, but in the back of my head I know it will take me a long long time to finish and so I keep putting it off).  Also, the shorter year's-worth of programming tends to allow more quality per episode compared to pumping out a new episode every week for months on end.  Sort of interesting is that American shows call a year's-worth a season and the collection of all seasons as a series compared to British shows calling the year's-worth a series (I'm not sure what they call the combined series; perhaps one of my UK readers could help me out with that)... you could note that the British shows tend to make one solid story arc across the entire series (also with a solid story per episode) whereas American shows tend to be more episodic and disconnected.

Idris Elba (The Losers, Prometheus) played the title character, the flawed but very clever DCI (Detective Chief Inspector) John Luther.  I would describe this show as a cross between CSI (Crime
Scene Investigation), Sherlock and The Shield.  It's a procedural crime drama with a new case each episode like CSI, it has the individual intelligence and character arc from Sherlock (specifically the currently-running BBC series), and it has some of the moral ambiguity of The Shield.

Red State (2011, R)

Kevin Smith as a writer/director tends to be a guy that you either love or hate, but this film is pretty different from any of his films I've seen in the past.  I know I had a blast watching Mallrats and Dogma, got some enjoyment out of the Clerks movies, could take a pass on Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back (though I find the people who like Will Ferrell movies tend to enjoy this one: it's the same sort of silly and it's fun to anticipate the silliness on a second viewing), and I absolutely hated Gigli (with the exception of the one scene with Al Pacino).  However from any non-film appearances (such as An Evening With Kevin Smith) I find him to be a coarse, insulting and unpleasant person (as opposed to his movies which are coarse also but the insults are witty and enjoyable).  Red State is a horror movie, Smith's first forray into that genre as far as I know, but it changes gears to more of an action(/drama?) in the second half.

Sleeping Dogs Lie (2006, R)

Bobcat Goldthwait is a strange man, and he wrote and directed this film.  I tend to like strange idea movies, and this one sounded like it would be a good one, but unfortunately almost all of the dialogue struck me as uninspired and the actions of the characters as lame despite the interesting concept.  The Netflix description of the movie indicates that the story is about the main character revealing a secret about herself to her fiance at the encouragement of her friends and family.  The issue of being honest or not, especially when the secret is a bombshell and being told-or-not to a (prospective) spouse, can make for a really interesting story, but this one was just disappointing compared to what it could have accomplished.  The online description tactfully left out the fact (revealed in the opening monologue, so this is not a spoiler) that her secret is that one lonely and curious night in college she fellated her dog.  She's not surprisingly disgusted by it and adamantly against telling anyone, but honestly: people do crazy things in college; it's a time of experimentation and this was one of the least harmful things she could have done (albeit taboo).  She could have gotten involved in a violent lifestyle or done drugs that harm her body, she could have gotten a full-face tattoo that would make future job interviews potentially awkward, but no.

The first half of the movie my face was in a constant mild cringe because of the steady awkwardness of the characters and situations (this means that Goldthwait accomplished his goal, not that he failed in it).  I don't find this appealing in a film, but you might.  The nearest state that I like is a quirky strangeness (I loved the first half of the series Twin Peaks, for example).  After she dropped the bomb, the awkward cringe left and I was just disappointed in the characters.  The highlight of the film by far was Brian Posehn's (television series such as Mr. Show, The Sarah Silverman Program, Reno 911, Tom Goes To The Mayor, and Just Shoot Me!) character, friend of the main character's brother.  His awkwardness was a distinctly different flavor that could be more thoroughly described as dim-witted, foot-in-the-mouth, good-natured charm.  His few appearances were a breath of fresh air, and I really liked him.  If you like the awkward tone of The Cable Guy (but dont'  mind that this has no action to it) or maybe Punch Drunk Love (which I found unpleasant but good) then you might like this, but I expect you'd be a small population.  For me I'd give it 1-1.5 out of 5 stars because it gave me so little entertainment in exchange for my time.  I almost never turn off a movie partway through because I find that the movies I like the least in the first half tend to have at least some redeeming quality in the second half... but if that was not my practice, I would have turned this off after about 30 minutes.

Girl, Interrupted (1999, R)

This movie is kind of a One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, minus Cool Hand Luke, with a generation-x twist (the generation, not the terrible movie).  OK, I guess that description requires familiarity with a few other movies to make sense, so I'll try again.  It's a period piece taking place in the 1960's, though with rare exception it feels very much like a '90's movie: the tone and most of the wardrobe and dialogue feel gen-x'y, but one nurse's eyeglasses, one campaign sign in a front yard, and a couple of "current events" named put it in the '60's.  It takes place largely in a privately run mental hospital/clinic, specifically in the women's ward, and it's largely about what life is like in the hospital and generally for anyone who feels they don't belong (so it's a very gen-x teen [an extinct breed at this point] friendly film).  The movie is also incredibly full of "it girls" from the last couple decades.  Wynona Rider (Edward Scissorhands, Bram Stoker's Dracula) plays the lead, a recent high school graduate whose depression and borderline personality disorder ("borderline" is the incredibly non-useful name for a specific personality disorder, not to mean that it is borderline to another disorder) give her troubles.  At the hospital that she is convinced to check herself into, she runs into characters played by Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider, Pushing Tin), Brittany Murphy (Love And Other Disasters, Uptown Girls), Clea Duvall (The Grudge, the television series Heroes), Elizabeth Moss (Get Him To The Greek) and Angela Bettis (Drones, the 2002 remake of Carrie).  Among the hospital staff are the head nurse played by Whoopi Goldberg (Sister Act, Ghost) in what is probably my favorite of her roles yet (she tends to be a bit too over-the-top for my taste, but she was the intelligent firm-ground for this film) and staff psychologist played by Jeffrey Tambor (Hellboy, television series Arrested Development) who I was worried would be a lot creepier character than he was.

The film focused on the interactions between the different characters (Jolie's character was by far the strongest personality in the film, and I'm pretty sure this was what put her on the map for Hollywood.  She was at once everyone's enemy and everyone's best friend; the Avatar of Chaos as opposed to Goldberg's Order), and about Rider's character arc hopefully ending in functional mental health.  While the beginning of the film had a bit of what some might call teenage whininess (which I must admit bugged me a little, especially when she's writing in her journal with different scripts for each line like it's artistic or something [that's a technique for scrapbooks and ransom notes dammit!]), the story overall was pretty good and built strong character relationships.  We got to see a pretty good spread of mental disorders, causes and reactions (and as graduated student of psychology, this was kind of interesting for me [there were some discrepancies with the methods of modern treatment and the rights of patients which I think were due to the different era of the story taking place, rather than poor writing]).  It's not a feel-good movie, but it does have its happy moments.  If you liked One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest or to an extent Cool Hand Luke, then you should like this film.  If you don't like watching a movie and wishing the main characters would get over themselves and get through their s#!t, then this is not for you.  For me it was about 4 out of 5 stars.  I should add that the song Downtown is currently stuck in my head due to repetition in the movie, but I don't find that altogether unpleasant.

Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry (1974, PG)

Verbally referenced in the first half of Death-Proof (one of the two mock-exploitation films from his Grindhouse collaboration with Robert Rodriguez) and having similarites to several aspects of the second half of that film, we can be sure that Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry is one of director Quentin Tarantino's many influences.  The big name actor in this movie is Peter Fonda (Easy Rider, Ghost Rider) as one half of the title characters (hint: he's not Mary).  The story starts with Larry and his friend Deke about to embark on a scheme that I could tell was no-good despite their tight-lipped vagueness.  Seriously I had them pegged as scumbags and disliked them from the beginning.  We also meet the trashy and loud Mary who gets herself insinuatede into Larry and Deke's plot.  It's mostly a car chase movie as the police try to catch the main characters and I found myself rooting for the police most of the time (the cop in charge of the manhunt also posesses several qualities not ideal for an officer of the law, but his actions didn't show a disregard for any bystanders unfortunate enough to cross his path... unlike our criminal anti-heroes).  While near the end enough conversations took place to where I could at least identify with the anti-heroes as characters, the only one I found myself "liking" (I'll go so far as to call it that) was Deke who was at least professional and his laconic nature revealed a certain maturity.  Also Deke (played by Adam Roark) reminds me of today's Alec Baldwin in face and in voice, so he's got that going for him.

Most of the car chase stunts turned me off, not because they were unimpressive (in fact, I shudder to think how many stunt-drivers were harmed in the making of this film) but because of the aforementioned disregard for life/health/wellbeing that cauesd the characters to think it was a good idea to do most of these things.  I imagine someone who loves fast cars and fast driving would warm up to the characters and the movie much faster than I would (I've gotten plenty of speeding tickets in the past, and it sucks[!], so I try to drive safely these days).  But I do have to admit there were some cool ideas in how to evade and in how to catch, and I did find the ending quite satisfying.  The target audience is pretty specific for this movie: gearheads who like car chase movies.  Also a film buff might have interest in seeing the movie, or it's an ok movie to have playing in the background at a party.  But if you're not one of thoses groups you could give this one a pass.  For me it's about 2 out of 5 stars: I didn't dig it all that much, but I can't say I hate it either because I got enough enjoyment to make up for my ire.

The Gate (1987, PG-13)

Apparently this movie is a cult favorite, but I was unfamiliar with it.  Though I wish I had grown up watching it at sleepovers!  The special effects are non-realistic by today's standards, but a lot of the effects and images they chose to employ were indeed very creative and impressive.  To an extent, the VFX reminded me of Ray Harryhausen's work (Clash Of The Titans from 1981, The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad from 1973).  And the effects are darned scary if you can accept them as realistic.  The main character is played by a very young Stephen Dorff (Blade) and he accidentally opens a portal to Hell in his back yard.  He tries to deal with the situation with his best friend, and his older sister is also a main character and several of her friends make appearances as well (one of which is a young Kelly Rowan who also played the mom in the series The OC).

I like that they took the time to flesh out characters and their back stories more thoroughly than they had to (the best friend's home situation, for example, was not essential to the plot but it did improve things).  There was a loving relationship between the brother and sister, but there was some bickering involved as well (though most of the bickering and name-calling was between the boys and the sister's friends).  I like that the relationship was multi-dimensional like that.  I really liked this movie and wish this was one I grew up with.

I'd say the ideal audience would be kids who are old enough to want to see scary and gross stuff (some of the monsters and wounds were indeed gross) but young enough that they are amused by the characters calling each other names.  The main character was around 12, and I find that many movies tend to target an audience at or slightly below the age of the  main character (if the main character is not an adult).  Or if you're an adult like myself who likes to see different movies, I think this one was well done.  On the other hand, if you dont' like movies starring kids or if you need current era realistic visual effects then you probably won't like The Gate.

Arthur (1981, PG)

Not to be confused with the 2011 remake starring Russel Brand, this original version stars Dudley Moore (Santa Claus [1985], Bedazzled [1967, not to be confused with the 2000 remake starring Brendan Fraser]).  It's labelled as a comedy, but at the first scene I was worried that it would be a loose use of the term because it seemed more tragic than funny.  Sure, Arthur's every word was a joke or witticism of some sort (punctuated by uncontrollable laughter at his own jokes), but this was due to the fact that he was constantly drunk.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a drink or several on occasion myself, but a chronic state of inebriation is a result of and cause of tragedy, so it made me sad to see it in the film.  Fortunately, this scene was just setting up the status quo so that the rest of the film could get into the characters and situations, and allow us to see improvements in his mood and blood alcohol content.  The only reason he is still alive with this lifestyle is the fact that his family is obscenely wealthy.  I imagine that this movie pretty much chronicles what Bruce Wayne's life would have been like if his parents had not been killed inspiring him to become Batman.  Arthur even has his own faithful companion butler named Hobson (imagine Alfred Pennyworth but with the caustic wit cranked up to 11). 

I had seen Santa Claus (the movie, not the man) numerous times growing up, and that was the only film from which I would recognize Dudley Moore, so my ears perked up whenever there was a North Pole-y reference.  Once a character said he looked "like a Christmas elf" (in the Santa movie, he played the head elf, reporting directly to Claus himself) and on more than one occasion Arthur sang a Christmas song.  I would have thought this was a reference to the lead actor's prior roles, except for the fact that this film predates Santa Claus by 4 years.  Curious. 

Back to the story at hand.  At an upscale clothing store, Arthur meets a woman (shoplifter) who has enough spunk to keep his interest (and she's not even a prostitute like the other women he spends time with!).  This firebrand is named Linda (played by Liza Minelli, also from Cabaret and some episodes of Arrested Development), and to me this movie would be nothing without her.  She's strong, clever, confident, and funny.  Without spoiling too much of the plot, I'll just say that the conflict arises as Arthur is given an ultimatum by his family that he will be cut off from the family money unless he marries the daughter of their rich colleague (she's a fine girl too, but he has no interest in her): he doesn't want to settle down at all at first, and then later he finds the one woman he can't stop thinking about and it's not his intended.  But the reason to watch the film is not because of the conflict or elaborate plot (it's not elaborate) but to see the a) interactions between the characters and b) the witty dialogue.  If you're in a giggly mood and will laugh at any witty line you hear, then turn on this movie immediately!  If banter doesn't do it for you, then don't bother.  Myself, I was kind of put off by the lame comments/jokes early on, but I warmed up to them as the film continued.  Most of the lines were merely chucke-worthy, but there was one point in particular that I had to pause the movie so I wouldnt miss the next line because I was laughing so hard.  Maybe it just tickled my funny bone, but I thought it was great.

C.H.U.D. (1984, R)

I'd first heard of this movie when it was given out as a door-prize at last year's B-Fest (a 24 hour "B movie" marathon held at Northwestern University annually.  I went to school elsewhere but the event sounded way too fun to pass up), and the title grabbed me as a "killer B" (essence of B movie, fun for a fan of the genre).  The title of this movie is also referenced in an episode of Angel, so if you intend to catch all of the references in that series (a feat to be sure) then you'll want to add this film to your homework.

Partway through the film, the main characters are informed by government officials that this is and acronym for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers.  Basically radioactive monsters have been attacking people out of the sewers and homeless sewer-dwellers have been disappearing (and surprise! the police haven’t been making a heroic effort to help).  The the first main characters we're introduced to are a magazine/freelance photographer named George (played by John Heard from Home Alone and Big), his wife, police Captain Bosch and "Reverend" A.J. who runs a soup-kitchen and works with the homeless (played by Daniel Stern, the narrator in The Wonder Years series, also in Home Alone).  My favorite characters (the most sympathetic characters) were A.J. followed by the wife and Bosch... pretty much the inverse order of appearance and of seeming importance to the plot (though AJ's screen time increases later in the film). 

Overall I was expecting it to be much lower quality and more campy than it was.  While radioactive monsters in the sewer attacking people does indeed qualify as camp, a lot of the dialogue was actually reasonable.  The production quality was pretty decent for the era, but the fact that many of the scenes took place in sewers and tenements or normal office buildings (easy to construct or go to) might have masked a lower budget.  If you like creature features, this one doesn't have as much of the creature as some you may like but the movie itself is solid enough that it should satisfy you.  If you're not a fan of 70's-80's monster movies, then don't bother (though it is kind of cool to see the dad and the thief from Home Alone working together at a younger age).

Lo (2009, NR)

OK, not what I expected.  Somehow from the cover of this movie I was expecting something along the lines of The Ring or The Grudge, and possibly a foreign (Japanese) film.  It was more like a cross between Faust, It's A Wonderful Life, Dante's Inferno, Hellboy, and an episode of Angel or Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  With a line from The Shining (1980) in one scene for good measure.  It was an indie film that could almost be done as a play.  I'm pretty sure the the vast majority of the budget was spent on the demons' makeup.  It's a closed-room movie, which means it's mostly focused on character development and interactions, which I like.  The characters (especially demons) are quirky and slightly comical though not knee-slapping funny.

The story is about a guy named Justin whose girlfriend was dragged to hell by a demon and he summons a demon named Lo (title character) to try to get her back.  The story's location is restricted not just to Justin's apartment, but to the pentagram he inscribed on the floor of his apartment (if he "breaks the circle" by moving any part of himself outside of it then his ward of protection from the demons is voided).  The film starts off with him finishing the circle and casting the spell, so they wasted no time there.  The back story of the two lovers and their romance is portrayed through flashbacks as Justin converses with Lo.  Justin was played by Ward Roberts, who I don't think I'd seen before but he kind of reminded me of Milo Ventimiglia (Heroes and Gilmore Girls television series), and the girl (April) was played by Sarah Lassez, who I was also unfamiliar with but she looks kind of like Chloe Moretz (Kick Ass, Let Me In) plus 10 years (which means she's adorable).

I was able to figure out part of the ending shortly before, but not all of it.  I think it was pretty clever especially at the end, though I can imagine the earlier parts of the film annoyging people if the dialoge was not to their taste/sense of humor.  Basically if you liked the Buffy and Angel shows, watch this and pretend it's a low-budget not-quite-Whedon spin-off... you'll dig it.  It's kind of hard to say what other movie it's like... scroll up and check out the list of movies in the first paragraph: if you like that idea, then you'll like this.  It's a creative take on a romance and on a horror, and the mash-up pretty much makes it right up my alley, but if you like your movies to do one thing and do it well then this might not be for you.

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2010, R)

The title is a lie!  DO be afraid of the dark (at least if you are a character in this movie).
The story is about a little girl going to live with her dad (played by Guy Pierce, from Memento and The Time Machine) and his girlfriend (played by Katie Holmes, from Batman Begins and the Dawson's Creek television series) in the huge stately manor they are restoring (dad is an architect and the girlfriend is an interior designer).  The prologue scene establishes that the furnace-looking grate in the basement is home to little gnome things that like to eat teeth, especially those of children.  Fun times.  An amusing Easter egg in this film that I'm sure I never would have picked up on if I hadn't studied up on paganism a bit in college is that the markings over the basement grate are Elder Futhark (ancient runes) that equate to the Roman letters for the English words "Be Afraid".  I guess Guy Pierce doesn't read ancient Norse.  Guillermo Del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth, Hellboy) was a screenwriter and producer on this film and that was apparent (in a good way): the engravings and detailing on the set, the darkly  rich color schemes, the child who encounters supernatural forces that might seem friendly but are instead sinister (Pan's Labyrinth, The Devil's Backbone), the appearance of the creatures.  The stylistic visuals were not as overt as in Hellboy II, but just added to the richness of the scenes.

I liked some of the subtleties in storytelling.  Example: the dad greets the daughter with a smile and all the standard phrases a dad would say to try to endear a kid but lacks warmth and the teddy bear is the only one to say "I love you" (don't worry, the bear has a computer chip, not a demon).  Whether the audience is conscious of it or not, you can tell there's something missing in the human interaction.  The movie relied on worry, terror and pain for the characters, not simple jump-scares.  I really liked it for a horror movie, but keep in mind it's not like Friday the 13th style.  It doesn't have any nudity and no foul language sticks out in my mind, but it does have blood and some painful looking wounds.

If you like intelligent horror movies (almost a thriller, but not quite), this is great.  While I haven't seen much of Katie Holmes on film, I tend to enjoy everything I see Guy Pierce is in (due to the film itself, not necessarily because of him), so that's a good vote for this movie.  If you don't like yucky wounds, or if you don't like to be scared (or if you don't like movies with kids in the main cast, though this was not a dumb kid), then of course don't watch this movie.
On a personal note, my neighbors keep propping the front door open so now there are a bunch of little bugs in my apartment, and when you look directly at them they look kind of like fireflies but without the glowing, but when you only see them out of the corner of your eye after watching this movie they look like little goblins that are going to eat your teeth.  I'm going to bed now.

Translyvania 6-5000 (1985, PG)

OK this is a horror/comedy that barely qualifies for the horror part, but it does have a mummy, vampire, Frankenstein monster, hunchback, etc.  It's a slapstick gag-humor saturated comedy befitting of the decade in which it was made (the beloved '80's).  The title stems from the number you would give to a telephone operator (back in the day) in order to reach the hotel where much of the film takes place.  The level/type of humor is something between Roxanne (1987) and Jane Austen's Mafia! (1998, which had nothing to do with the author of Pride and Prejudice).

It starts off with a serious reporter working for a hack tabloid (played by Jeff Goldblum, also from Jurassic Park and The Fly remake) teamed up with a gullible need-to-please reporter at the same tabloid (played by Ed Begley Jr. from St. Elsewhere and several other television series).  They are sent to Transylvania to investigate a Frankenstein sighting (a curious location as Frankenstein was supposed to be vaguely Italian and Transylvania was the historic home of Dracula).  The mayor of the town in which they investigate is played by the iconic Jeffrey Jones (Howard The Duck, Ferris Bueler's Day Off).  Goldblum is naturally hesitant to believe the crazy crap he hears from his partner, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that his skepticism did not prevent him from following along in the pursuit of facts related to their case.  The hotel staff consist of: Michael Richards (Kramer from the Seinfeld television series), who is intent on gag humor (banana peels, etc); and a married couple of hunchbacks, the wife in which was clumsy, silly, and completely lovingly devoted to her husband.  While she annoyed him, I couldn't help but fall in love with her for loving him so much.  She was played by Carol Kane (The Princess Bride ["I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!  But I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!"], Adams Family [film versions]).  A hot young Gina Davis (Beetlejuice, The Fly remake) plays a vampire woman with cleavage down to her navel who appeared at quite random moments.

Don't worry, Vampirella: I won't struggle.

The plot of the story is almost incidental to the gag humor (which, don't get me wrong, is hilarious if you're in a mood to be receptive to it).  While parts of the end were only mildly clever, there was one part that warmed me inside and made me glad to see it.  If you're in a grumpy mood, don't bother, you'll hate this.  But if you're in a silly mood or in your cups with your friends, this can be a darned fun time.  I must have been in the right mood because laughed quite a bit throughout and I enjoyed the movie.  For me it's good but still not quite awesome.

Albino Alligator (1996, R)

This film had almost no special effects, very few scene locations (most of it was in a room and the street outside) and a very small cast (though almost all of them were famous actors), and all of the work went into the story.  Some of the lines were cheesy, but others were pretty clever and I liked most of the turns the story took (not to say that they were happy turns, but good story material).  The first few minutes of the movie were well spent establishing the basics of the situation and it was done in a very time-efficient way.  Soon we get to the part where the rest of the movie takes place.  The premise from this point on is that a trio of criminals (attempted thieves fleeing a crime) enter a New Orleans bar at closing time and hold the few staff and patrons hostage.  It's largely a tension-building story as each of them has different motivations, concerns and things they would think to do or say.

The film was directed by famed actor Kevin Spacey (The Usual Suspects, Shrink).  The trio of criminals consist of a weak leader played by Matt Dillon (Rumble Fish, There's Something About Mary), a sociopath played by William Fichtner (The Longest Yard [2010], Contact), and a level-headed semi-intelligent man played by (one of my personal favorites) Gary Sinise (Impostor, Reindeer Games).  The bar owner is played by M. Emmet Walsh (Blade Runner, Little Big Man) who I always find charming on film, and the bartender/waitress is played by Faye Dunaway (Bonny & Clyde, The Thomas Crown Affair [1968]).  Dunaway's character talked back to and mocked the newly-arrived crooks, which I imagine was supposed to make her look sassy and/or strong, but I thought it was unamusing, annoying and supremely unintelligent.  Later she mellowed out and became a very worthwhile character to the story.  Among the bar patrons were Viggo Mortensen (A History Of Violence, The Lord Of The Rings trilogy) and John Spencer (The West Wing television series).  The law officer in charge outside on the street was played by Joe Mantegna (Thinner, !Three Amigos!).  It turns out Albino Aligator is not the name of the bar, as I had presumed, but rather a reference that is made clear about midway through the story.  It's properly tense and it makes sense.

I tend to like closed-room movies.  I don't know if that's a real term or not (I know "closed-room mystery" is a term, and this idea is similar but different), but if most or all of a story takes place in a small area and is based largely on tension and human interactions, it requires and displays more storytelling skill.  Some famous examples of this would be Speed (takes place on a bus) Glengary Glen Ross (takes place in and around an office) and Phone Booth (takes place in a desert... just kidding, it takes place in a phone booth).  Some you may or may not be familiar with are Devil (2010, on an elevator), Night Train (2009, on a... oh, you get it) and The Killing Jar (2010).  Albino Alligator is a pretty solid story of this type, so if you like tense human-interaction/conflict stories, you should like this.  However, though Alligator was probably the "better" film, I think I got more enjoyment out of The Killing Jar: it has many similarities and I think is just a little neater (especially at the end, though the ending is less creative) and also has several face's you'll recognize, but probably not as many names other than Michael Madesn [Kill Bill, Sin City and probably 100 more small roles that any given person has seen]).  Keep in mind that while Alligator leaves almost all of the gore to your imagination, Killing Jar shows it.

The Karate Kid (1984, PG)

Until just now, I'm pretty sure I'm the only '80's kid that hadn't seen this movie (and I'm sure I just lost a few friends by saying that).  I had seen the 2010 remake starring Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith which I did enjoy and was today (pleasantly?) surprised how many parallels there were between the two versions of the film despite the differences: remake took place in China as opposed to California, it used Kung-Fu rather than Karate, and the main character was younger.  In my defense, I was already aware of some of the main cultural references from the original film: the line "sweep the leg", "wax on, wax off", and the song "you're the best around".  Though I now have a greater understanding of them.  This was sort of a homework movie for me.

In both versions of the film, I was bracing myself to dislike the main character who was a kid (not particularly cerebral) who gets into trouble (fights) with other kids who are part of a violent/borderline-evil marital arts dojo.  In both cases, I found myself liking the Kid a lot more than I thought I would because his shortcomings were due to him being a kid.  The original film stars Ralph Macchio (from... well, he's most famous for this film, though he was also in My Cousin Vinny [he was Vinny's cousin]) falling for a young Elisabeth Shue (Adventures In Babysitting, Leaving Las Vegas) and falling into the bad graces of her DB (unsavory fellow) ex-boyfriend who is part of that nasty dojo mentioned earlier.  The karate jerks repeatedly harm him until Macchio's local repair man helps him out.  I found the early parts of the film a little gut-wrenching as the Kid is in a bad situation and has to try to avoid the violence, but later the story got into full swing and it was a pleasant ride.

While I'm sure my nostalgia-infected cohort would say otherwise, I think I actually liked the second one a little more than the original.  Don't get me wrong, I liked them both.  The original was... well... original, and is definitely iconic.  But for an audience that has seen neither, and if you can only see one of them, I'd suggest the newer iteration (which is just a little more modern and relatable for that reason).  If you liked Rocky, you'll like this film (original).  But who am I kidding, if you haven't seen this then I imagine you haven't seen Rocky either.  Especially near the end it's a sports movie, so you like those you should like this.  If you haven't seen a "sports movie" but don't like the idea of them, don't judge: they're often better than a nerd might think (and I use the term "nerd" not in a derogatory way, but in the first person).

Dead Heat (1988, R)

When I started watching this movie, I didn't know the title was a pun on zombies.  Honestly, I'm not quite sure if this film is a caricature of several types of movies or just a hilarious example of them.  I'm think it's the caricature though.  It starts off as a buddy cop movie with one clean-cut detective and his partner the meatball musclehead.  I like that despite their personality differences, they do get along as partner cops should.  Their actions piss the heck out of their captain a la Lethal Weapon and if you're in the right mood when you see it, you'll get a big kick out of their flippancy.  They end up investigating a case that involves reanimated criminals and horror(?)/action/comedy(?) stuff ensues.  A lot of the lines are stereotypical film dialogue to the point that it would be trite if taken seriously.

Treat Williams was the only actor that looked familiar to me, though not from any particular role in the past (he played the clean-cut cop), and I'm pretty sure very few people will have heard of this film.  The meatball cop looks like Mark Hamill (Star Wars) on steroids.  It's one of those metatexual self-aware movies (but again, not obnoxiously so, IMHO).  The tone was consistent throughout the film in terms of dark and/or satire humor (but not over the top), and level of action, so I don't think liking any one part will cause you to feel let down by any other part of the film.  This movie has the humor style of a B-horror/comedy (a lot like Army of Darkness), but itself is more of an action/comedy with horror elements.  So if you don't like that sort of of movie (a movie about movies), then this is not for you... but if you like the satire/caricature and a crazy romp, this is a good time.

My Girlfriend's Boyfriend (2010, PG)

Hot dang, I was pleasantly surprised with this movie.  Alyssa Milano (Charmed television series), who I've had a crush on pretty much ever since I was old enough to have a crush (oh man, I want to bear her children... no wait, the other way around), meets and starts dating two guys on the same day: one is an aspiring writer and the other is a successful advertising executive.  The ad exec was played by Michael Landes, and he looked really familiar to me though I couldn't place it; looking it up now, he played Jimmy Olsen in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman, but I don't know if that's it or maybe he just has one of those faces that look familiar.

The aspiring writer is the character the film began with and the beau I found myself rooting for (the non-rich, fiction fan, etc), though they both seemed to be good guys, were clever/witty and cared about Milano.  Milano's character was roommates with her brother who was played by Tom Lenk (Andrew from Buffy and one episode of Angel), who added his own awkward charm to the film.  The first few date scenes were more worthwhile to watch than later ones because they had more dialogue and character development, though I imagine a woman would like the chick-flicky qualities of the later dates more than I did.  She eventually had to make a decision and though the ending looked like it was going to be nauseatingly predictable, it turned out to be more creative, and then way more creative than I would have thought!

For a guy watching a romance (it was billed as a comedy, though wouldn't call it that overly much), this was one of the best I've seen.  Ladies, expect your guy to groan: it's his duty.  Guys, this is not bad, especially if you're a writer type who likes to see one of  your people kissing a girl (groan out loud and fist-bump me silently).  But keep in mind that the turn at the end totally makes it all worth it.


Parts of the movie made me go like this.